Wednesday, 27 June 2007

Due to popular demand..

...I thought it was about time to give you a quick update on the happenings in The Dave Howes Band house.

Well, Fingers came back from his cruise all relaxed and tanned. He'd had a great time, as not only did he win the cruise as a prize on a phone-in radio show, he managed to sit in with the on-board band after their guitarist, who was making his debut on this cruise, discovered that he suffered from violent sea-sickness, and proceeded to decorate the stage in what's now popularly known in these parts as the Rockmother apres Motorhead style.

Fingers found himself playing all the usual cruise type cabaret style songs for a couple of hours each night, and much to his surprise he quite enjoyed himself! I guess the fact that he was paid for doing it, and getting free drinks into the bargain may have helped!

But now he's back, and we thought that we should get a shift on and booked a gig to celebrate his return at The Epileptic Juggler in Penge.

On arrival at the gig, Bassman got chatting to the support act, “Mesmerising Maurice, Hilarious Hypnotist”. They shared a couple of drinks and unbeknownst to Bassman and us, Maurice put him into a trance, which meant that anytime somebody said “testing, testing, one two, one two…” he would curl up into the foetal position and moan softly to himself.

Mesmerising Maurice

As you can imagine, our sound check proved to be a surprising one to say the least. (Actually, we were I suppose quite lucky to have got as far as the sound check, our run of luck has not been good lately). Maurice was nowhere to be found. We later discovered that he’d run off with a groupie to a nearby hotel (I don’t know how he does it, he’s an ugly bastard).

Nothing we tried could get Bassman out of his trance and we had no choice but to carry poor old Otto in his foetal position, chuck him into the back of the van and make our apologies and leave.

P.S. The following day, old Mesmerising Mo turned up on the doorstep of TDHB house, brought Bassman out of his trance, made his apologies and left… which was nice.

P.P.S. We spent the remainder of the day saying “one two, one two, testing, testing” at Bassman, just in case.

Sunday, 10 June 2007

Well it's all go here folks... we've just posted some new songs here!
They're not all originals however, two of them are covers of our favourite Australian eco-warriors Midnight Oil, and have been done as a sign of our respect for them. Sell my soul is a song from the album Diesel and Dust, and is the favourite of Sticks (no relation), as he only has to use his right foot on that one. No Reacion is off the album Head Injuries originally, but ours is a copy of a live version which differs slightly, because there's less words to sing, ha ha!
Thanks are due to our old mate istvanski for the loan of his beautiful Fender banjo (other makes of banjo are available folks), we hope we didn't hang onto it for too long! We used it on "Where We Belong". The source of inspiration for that song (yes, unbelievably there was one folks!), shall remain unrevealed, ha ha!
"What do you know" is another in the series that has become known as "music for Sir Paul's barbecues", and is sure to be available on K-Tel records some time soon, probably.
Hope you enjoy 'em
Love and Hugs,
The Dave Howes Band

Friday, 8 June 2007

The mother of all updates...

A potted version of events in The Dave Howes Band house.

No.1. We were so frigging excited here in TDHB house, ‘cos we had a gig to play!

We arrived at the gig, only for Fingers to inform us that somehow, Sticks Flashman (no relation) had been struck down with a case of temporary Tourette’s Syndrome. According to Fingers, when the pair of them had arrived earlier and the venue manager had greeted them warmly, Sticks had spewed forth a stream of appalling profanities and insults that would have shocked a docker. In spite of Finger’s reassurances that this was “well out of character,” and that “he didn’t mean to say that about his mother,” the venue manager was far from impressed. He did however allow them to wait until the rest of us arrived so we could make our apologies and leave.

In hindsight, it was perhaps a mistake to allow Sticks, in his current condition, to be the one to apologise as it turned out that his Tourette’s type apology was less than polite.

No.2. Fantastic excitement in TDHB house, we had another gig arranged!

We arrived at the gig, only to find that there was no sign of Sticks. We waited for a while…

…then made our apologies and left.

The next day, Sticks arrived at the gig only to discover that the rest of us had been there the day before...

...he made his apologies and left.

No.3. Great news and even greater excitement this last week. We had a new manager on board for a trial period and a gig booked!

Unfortunately we had to cancel the gig, as Fingers won a competition on a phone-in radio show. As a result of this he now has “a cruise to go on”. This was such a long trip, that we have had to cancel the next 4 shows as well.

Sad news.

Our newly appointed “on trial” manager was not impressed with Finger’s competition winning grasp of general knowledge. He was heard to say: “Well if he’s more interested in seeing the world than playing with the band, then I can’t be bothered”.

He made his apologies and left.

So there we have it folks, things keep rolling along same as ever, sometimes it's hard not to get downhearted, but what the hell eh? We're all still alive, and Fingers is having a lovely time.

Not so bad.

Love and hugs,


Thursday, 10 May 2007

Time for an update...!

Now, it comes to our attention that we haven’t released any new songs lately apart from the tribute Brentford’s relegation. With this in mind, we’re planning some time in the studio to bash out four more songs. Early soundings seem to indicate a softer, kind of acoustic type o’ thang, but let’s wait and see eh?

But more to the point, there was great excitement in TDHB house, another gig had been organised! It was to be at the Memories of Fenway wine bar in Penge.

On arrival at the gig, “Fingers” McGraw tucked into the rider. Unfortunately, something in the blueberry muffins disagreed with him and he lost all feeling from his elbows to his fingertips on both arms.

a muffin

We made our apologies and left.

Oh well, when it wears off we’ll get straight in the studio and get on with things.

Love ‘n’ hugs,

Thursday, 3 May 2007

1000 visits to our myspace.....

To celebrate the occasion of the 1000th visit to our my space site, let us post this next installment (I hope I spelt that right Mrs Mark?) of our Adventures!

Frantic excitement in TDHB house, a gig, a gig, our kingdom for a gig!

We arrived at the gig, (the name and location of which will remain a secret, the reason for which will become obvious) and everything was sweet. The headlining band could not have been nicer, and if their sound check was anything to go by we would complement each other perfectly. Could it be that we would finally get to play our first gig!!!

We prepared for our sound check with nervous excitement!

But where was Bassman? We searched everywhere for him, and he was nowhere to be seen. Luckily, Frank the venue manager (a large man, ex forces, all tats and muscles) found him. Unfortunately, he found him wrapped around Frank’s young, beautiful and blonde wife Cindy in the flat upstairs.


While Frank went to get his shotgun, we made our apologies and left… quickly.

Wednesday, 25 April 2007

You won't believe your ears...

Great excitement in TDHB house, another gig booked!

On arrival at the gig, we climbed out of the van, (filled with equipment, we learn fast!) and perused the poster for the gig. The headline act was listed as something called “Dylan For The Deaf”.

IF: “What the f##k is Dylan for the Deaf then?”

DH: “Dunno mate, I’ll go find out”

A little later, inside the venue:

DH: “Hello mate, are you with Dylan for the Deaf?”

DFTD: “Yes, Giles Strathmore, pleased to meet you boys.”

DH: “What’s your act all about then, it sounds interesting?”

DFTD: “Well, we aim to bring the works of Bob Dylan to a section of the populace who have, until now, been unable to appreciate a ‘live’ (index fingers again, Oh God) Dylan performance.”

DH: “How does that work then?”

DFTD: “Well, the lyrics are presented in the form of sign language, while the instrumental arrangements are interpreted through the mediums of dance and mime.”

DH: “Mmm. So who comes to the show?”

DFTD: “Well, we’re very popular among the deaf community.”

DH: “So let me get this straight. Most, if not all of your audience is, in point of fact, as it were, one could say, deaf?”

DFTD: “Well, you could say that, yes.”

DH: (Aside to TDHB members) “I think a band meeting is in order.”

After a brief band meeting, we made our apologies and left.

Saturday, 14 April 2007

Reader's letter...!

Now there was a new development in The Dave Howes Band House this week. We got a letter from a reader! Sparky from Brixton writes: “Hello boys, I’ve been reading your adventures and have a question. Your drummer, Ian “Sticks” Flashman, is he by any chance related to the late and legendary Stan “I can get you tickets for anything” Flashman?”

Well Sparky, thanks for your question. Allow me to relate this little tale which I think will serve as an answer.

The second rule of Rock and Roll is: never volunteer… for anything… ever.

Sticks was going through a “wanting to do more than being just a drummer” phase. He volunteered to get us a gig, organise the arrangements for said gig, sort out flyers and make sandwiches. So we had a band meeting, and all agreed that it couldn’t hurt to let him have a go.

It was to be after the Easter Bank Holiday weekend which complicated things rather as we were all away from the house visiting family, and would have to be organised to be at the same place, same time, for the gig.

Easter Sunday, and the phone calls began. Sticks told Fingers that the gig was at the Barry McGuiggan’s Arms in Penge on the evening of the following Tuesday. He told Howesey that it was at The Frog and Lilliputian in Penge on Wednesday. He told Bassman that it would be at Uncle Tom’s Cobblian Hall on the Thursday. He printed 500 flyers, 150 posters and paid for advertising on Penge FM, and he told them that the gig was on the Friday in The Flying Trousers in Penge. He was, apparently, a little confused under all the pressure and had consumed a large amount of easter egg and gin.

As you can probably guess, the whole thing was doomed from the start and a complete embarrassment. We may never be able to show our faces in Penge again, not that they’ve ever actually seen us but that’s not the point.

But it was our fault for ignoring the first rule of Rock and Roll: Never, whatever you do, give the drummer more responsibility than looking after his kit and playing it.

But there you go Sparky, Sticks is in no way related to Stan. He couldn’t even organise tickets for a gig he was supposed to be playing at.

Back soon,
Love and hugs, TDHB

Sunday, 8 April 2007

At last, some news from TDHB house!!!

Now it must be something to do with living in the same house, but when any one of us goes down with a bug, the others soon follow. This is exactly what happened two weeks ago, which led to two more gigs being cancelled. One was at The Queen’s Knees in Balham, and the other was at the Newt and Banana in Penge. Apologies are due to anyone who came to see us, but thanks are due to our last minute replacements, a lively local band called “The Last Minute Replacements” (they get a lot of this type of work), and I’m sure they were very entertaining.

However, we were very excited in TDHB house a couple of days ago, a gig was booked!

We arrived at the gig, and were informed by the venue management that we had been double booked with a Combat 18 supporting punk/skin group called Black Death And Other Fantastic Stories. After a combination of complex negotiations, our goodwill and the fact that 400 of their violent looking fans had already arrived, we decided to cut our losses, accept another date when one became available, and leaving “Sticks” Flashman (no relation) and “Fingers” behind to inform our fans of the change of plan, the rest of us made our excuses and left.

nasty nazis

As it turned out, no fans of ours appeared. Also, according to “Sticks” and “Fingers”, it’s harder than you’d think to refuse the offer of a spit-meth and Jack Daniels cocktail when offered by a 10 foot tall, tattooed skinhead monster. After three of them each, their memory of the evening gets a little hazy. All we know for sure is that “Bassman” got a call the following morning to bail them both out of the local nick after they’d been charged with trespassing on a nearby building site.

A crane

They were found in the early hours of the morning, curled up asleep in the control cabin of a massive tower crane by its operator. They were covered in a foul smelling vomit, unable to speak due to the sheer terror of waking up 100 feet above the ground and freezing cold. We all trawled over to the police holding cells, bailed them out, made our apologies and left.

There was some good news in TDHB house this week however, as our broadband connection finally got sorted, (I think that bug got into the computer as well) and the updates should be a bit more regular from now on.

Wednesday, 28 February 2007

February EP

Well folks, what's a hard working, completely anonymous and slightly hungover band to do on a long February week? The wind howling through the rafters of TDHB house and trees/fences rent assunder by great heaving walls of invisible force drove the boys into the studio to warble and strum. You can hear the results here and we hope you like them.
Love and hugs, TDHB>

Sunday, 25 February 2007

Interview for post of manager...

Fabulous amounts of excitement in TDHB house! We had an answer to our management ad! Herewith the transcript of the interview, God what a laugh!

DH: “Hello mate, can I call you Nigel? Good. You’ve had a good look round the house and met all the boys, what do you think?”

N: “I see the roll of ‘Band Manager’, (at this point, Nigel used the index fingers of both hands to form ‘quotation marks’, alarm bells started tinkling) as more of a remit. And that remit would be to maximise the interpersonal, organic or if you will ‘natural’, (he used his fingers again, bells now chiming rhythmically) progressive elements of the collective conscience, which forms the greater percentage of the output, performance wise, of ‘The Dave Howes Band Brand’ (eyebrows rising). I would take it upon myself to co-ordinate the multi-layered infrastructures that form the basis of your chosen performance art.”

“I personally benefit from a well developed portfolio of established relationships in many fields of entertainment and the business machinations that they accompany into the multi-faceted areas of ‘showbiz’. (bemused expressions all round), and what is more, I’ve listened and analyzed the current output which you’ve kindly provided me with, and in my ‘humble’ (jesus!) opinion, your writing and orchestrational skills would only benefit from a firm guiding influential pair of hands such as I would bring to the table. I’ll leave you a number of copies of a business plan that I’ve formulated. Please take some time to peruse, ingest and digest this, as I feel it will only serve to re-inforce my aforementioned bullet points. (He was wearing a sickening grin at this point). Okay, I’ll leave you to talk between yourselves and you can call me anytime, ciao ragazzi.”

N leaves in his Audi…

DH: “Well, first impressions?”

JM: “Has he finished?”

IF: “Wanker”

OB-S: (waking up) “Is dinner ready?”

SS: “Scrambled eggs okay?”

DH: “I think that’s a no then.”

The management of TDHB, it was decided, would fall yet again on the shoulders of whoever answered the telephone first.

We will, of course, keep you, our loyal reader, informed.

Love and hugs, TDHB

Wednesday, 21 February 2007

The quest for a gig continues...

This last week has seen great excitement in TDHB house. We were offered a gig!!!
It was at the Original Farmer Giles in Penge, a battle of the bands type of thing.

We arrived at the gig only to find that we’d left all our equipment behind.

A van with no equipment in it.

We made our apologies and left.

More to come,

Love and Hugs, TDHB.

Better luck next time.

Wednesday, 14 February 2007

This Week's Thrilling Installment!

Well folks, we thought it was about time to give you an update on how things are going in TDHB house.

Firstly, we had a reply to our ad for management!

We couldn’t believe it when we returned from our weekly shopping trip to find a message blinking in our e-mail inbox!!

It turned out to be from a guy who used to be in the army as a lieutenant or something. He very kindly outlined his vision for “raising band discipline to an acceptable level” by sending us off on a sort of “boot camp”, which would, (according to him) “improve team building and brotherhood within the platoon, er sorry, band.”
He revealed himself to be a fan of “beat combos” such as The Grumbleweeds and The Brighouse and Rastrick Brass Band.
We had a band meeting…
And decided to reply, make our apologies, and turn him down.
Or as Sticks put it: “Fuck that for a game of soldiers.”

Secondly, the phone rang last Sunday, and when it was finally answered feverish excitement rippled through TDHB house as we had been offered a gig on Tuesday night!
It was a support slot for The Violent Vomitters at the Percy Pointer’s Porcelein Night at the charmingly named Douglas Barder’s Legs in Penge.

We arrived at the gig, only to find the venue surrounded by police wearing Kevlar vests and armed to the teeth. Apparently, a local nutter with a violent dislike of the colour green had taken umbridge to the venue’s recent redecoration. After storming the venue with pocketfuls of grenades, wrapped in bullet belts and carrying at least one heavy machine gun, he’d taken the venue manager and bar staff hostage. His demand for the immediate re-decoration of the building (mainly in red if I recall correctly) had been passed on to the brewery.

We decided not to wait for their reply however, made our apologies and left.

Oh well, let’s hope for better news next time! Keep the faith!!

Thursday, 8 February 2007

Introducing the Adventures of The Dave Howes Band!! Hurrah!!

Life in a rock band can be hard, trawling from town to town with a truckload of gear to play gig after gig in front of everyman and his dog for very little financial reward and no recognition. There’s never any money for food, drink, equipment or recording time. Any sort of success is a dream, the future is perpetually bleak, and as for groupies, well, what self respecting groupie would go near a band which stinks to high heaven, wears rotten stage gear and whose skin care leaves a lot to be desired?

But what a life…

Life in The Dave Howes Band is distinctly different however, thanks mainly to the good fortune of Otto “Bassman” Bastion-Smythe and his parents, who won a substantial amount of money on the Lottery. Otto is dedicated to life in the band, and his parents are very understanding, so they gifted a huge percentage of their winnings to their son. He purchased a sizeable mansion in a leafy corner of Surrey, and invited his band-mates to move in with him. He built a nice, compact and user friendly rehearsal/recording facility under the watchful eye of Stan “The Man With The Cans And The Sliders And Ideas Above His (Work) Station” Stanchion, installed a games room, mini-bar and small spa, and the future of The Dave Howes Band was assured.

It was January 2007 and a momentous band meeting was called. Everyone was there. Dave “Dave” Howes, Jeremy “Fingers” McGraw, Ian “Sticks” Flashman, Otto and Stan all agreed that there were two things which were on their “urgent requirements” list:
1. A manager,
2. A gig.

Dave decided to chart the progress of the band during 2007 and to post it on the band’s new blog. If you’re reading this, then you’ve found it, and we, (The Dave Howes Band) hope you enjoy it.


Tremendous amounts of excitement in The Dave Howes Band house!

Today we placed an advert in the musical press for the post of manager. We have been getting increasingly frustrated with our own efforts. At the time of writing we still had yet to successfully play a gig, and we reckoned we were in need of s steadying influence. Well, all we can do now is to wait for the replies to come flooding in and keep our fingers crossed that someone worthy of the position sees the ad.

We will of course keep you all up to speed with any developments so stay tuned folks!

Love and Hugs, TDHB.