Monday, 7 January 2008
News isn’t good to be honest as alas the Band is no more.
As our loyal readers will know, the Band’s quest from the very beginning was to get a gig, and a manager. This sounds simple but I’m afraid it was ever far from that in the end. We had trouble with armed hijackers, incensed landlords, power cuts, mix ups over dates and dodgy hypnotists.
A few months ago however, we actually managed to hire a manager! I can’t publish his name for legal reasons, which will become clearer as the story unfolds. Now this manager actually got us a gig at the Pig and Gristle pub on the outskirts of Penge, a Friday night too which is always well attended. Rehearsals had gone well, we’d developed a storming set and were looking forward immensely.
Little did we know, that our new ‘manager’ was actually a lunatic sociopath with a sordid history of violence with a penchant for wiping out musical acts in one fell swoop.
He rigged our instruments and the stage to a massive electrical generator, and set it up so a large electrical current would run through us as soon as we struck the first chord.
At this point, I’d like to pass on my thanks to the one and only Istvanski who, through the loan of a pair of platform soled high-top Converse All-Star in honour of the first gig and momentous occasion thereof, saved my life.
Sadly, Ian, Otto and Jeremy were incinerated immediately, and I was rendered unconscious for a week and a half.
The guilty bastard manager escaped the venue and went on the run for 6 months. He made repeated threats towards me as he had a dislike of ‘leaving any job unfinished’, and I was placed under police protection until his arrest and subsequent incarceration.
So now I’ve no band, and am back to my melancholic solo project, the ‘manager’ is in Broadmoor for the rest of his earthly, and the blog has to be remodelled.
So we wish all our friends the best ever 2008…
Sorry, so I wish all my friends the best ever 2008 and may all your dreams come true!
Wednesday, 27 June 2007
...I thought it was about time to give you a quick update on the happenings in The Dave Howes Band house.
Well, Fingers came back from his cruise all relaxed and tanned. He'd had a great time, as not only did he win the cruise as a prize on a phone-in radio show, he managed to sit in with the on-board band after their guitarist, who was making his debut on this cruise, discovered that he suffered from violent sea-sickness, and proceeded to decorate the stage in what's now popularly known in these parts as the Rockmother apres Motorhead style.
Fingers found himself playing all the usual cruise type cabaret style songs for a couple of hours each night, and much to his surprise he quite enjoyed himself! I guess the fact that he was paid for doing it, and getting free drinks into the bargain may have helped!
But now he's back, and we thought that we should get a shift on and booked a gig to celebrate his return at The Epileptic Juggler in Penge.
On arrival at the gig, Bassman got chatting to the support act, “Mesmerising Maurice, Hilarious Hypnotist”. They shared a couple of drinks and unbeknownst to Bassman and us, Maurice put him into a trance, which meant that anytime somebody said “testing, testing, one two, one two…” he would curl up into the foetal position and moan softly to himself.
As you can imagine, our sound check proved to be a surprising one to say the least. (Actually, we were I suppose quite lucky to have got as far as the sound check, our run of luck has not been good lately). Maurice was nowhere to be found. We later discovered that he’d run off with a groupie to a nearby hotel (I don’t know how he does it, he’s an ugly bastard).
Nothing we tried could get Bassman out of his trance and we had no choice but to carry poor old Otto in his foetal position, chuck him into the back of the van and make our apologies and leave.
P.S. The following day, old Mesmerising Mo turned up on the doorstep of TDHB house, brought Bassman out of his trance, made his apologies and left… which was nice.
P.P.S. We spent the remainder of the day saying “one two, one two, testing, testing” at Bassman, just in case.
Sunday, 10 June 2007
...as we've just posted some new songs here!
They're not all originals however, two of them are covers of our favourite Australian eco-warriors Midnight Oil, and have been done as a sign of our respect for them. Sell my soul is a song from the album Diesel and Dust, and is the favourite of Sticks (no relation), as he only has to use his right foot on that one. No Reacion is off the album Head Injuries originally, but ours is a copy of a live version which differs slightly, because there's less words to sing, ha ha!
Thanks are due to our old mate istvanski for the loan of his beautiful Fender banjo (other makes of banjo are available folks), we hope we didn't hang onto it for too long! We used it on "Where We Belong". The source of inspiration for that song (yes, unbelievably there was one folks!), shall remain unrevealed, ha ha!
"What do you know" is another in the series that has become known as "music for Sir Paul's barbecues", and is sure to be available on K-Tel records some time soon, probably.
Hope you enjoy 'em
Love and Hugs,
The Dave Howes Band
Friday, 8 June 2007
No.1. We were so frigging excited here in TDHB house, ‘cos we had a gig to play!
We arrived at the gig, only for Fingers to inform us that somehow, Sticks Flashman (no relation) had been struck down with a case of temporary Tourette’s Syndrome. According to Fingers, when the pair of them had arrived earlier and the venue manager had greeted them warmly, Sticks had spewed forth a stream of appalling profanities and insults that would have shocked a docker. In spite of Finger’s reassurances that this was “well out of character,” and that “he didn’t mean to say that about his mother,” the venue manager was far from impressed. He did however allow them to wait until the rest of us arrived so we could make our apologies and leave.
In hindsight, it was perhaps a mistake to allow Sticks, in his current condition, to be the one to apologise as it turned out that his Tourette’s type apology was less than polite.
No.2. Fantastic excitement in TDHB house, we had another gig arranged!
We arrived at the gig, only to find that there was no sign of Sticks. We waited for a while…
…then made our apologies and left.
The next day, Sticks arrived at the gig only to discover that the rest of us had been there the day before...
...he made his apologies and left.
No.3. Great news and even greater excitement this last week. We had a new manager on board for a trial period and a gig booked!
Unfortunately we had to cancel the gig, as Fingers won a competition on a phone-in radio show. As a result of this he now has “a cruise to go on”. This was such a long trip, that we have had to cancel the next 4 shows as well.
Our newly appointed “on trial” manager was not impressed with Finger’s competition winning grasp of general knowledge. He was heard to say: “Well if he’s more interested in seeing the world than playing with the band, then I can’t be bothered”.
He made his apologies and left.
So there we have it folks, things keep rolling along same as ever, sometimes it's hard not to get downhearted, but what the hell eh? We're all still alive, and Fingers is having a lovely time.
Not so bad.
Love and hugs,
Thursday, 10 May 2007
But more to the point, there was great excitement in TDHB house, another gig had been organised! It was to be at the Memories of Fenway wine bar in Penge.
On arrival at the gig, “Fingers” McGraw tucked into the rider. Unfortunately, something in the blueberry muffins disagreed with him and he lost all feeling from his elbows to his fingertips on both arms.
We made our apologies and left.
Oh well, when it wears off we’ll get straight in the studio and get on with things.
Love ‘n’ hugs,
Thursday, 3 May 2007
We arrived at the gig, (the name and location of which will remain a secret, the reason for which will become obvious) and everything was sweet. The headlining band could not have been nicer, and if their sound check was anything to go by we would complement each other perfectly. Could it be that we would finally get to play our first gig!!!
We prepared for our sound check with nervous excitement!
But where was Bassman? We searched everywhere for him, and he was nowhere to be seen. Luckily, Frank the venue manager (a large man, ex forces, all tats and muscles) found him. Unfortunately, he found him wrapped around Frank’s young, beautiful and blonde wife Cindy in the flat upstairs.
While Frank went to get his shotgun, we made our apologies and left… quickly.
Wednesday, 25 April 2007
On arrival at the gig, we climbed out of the van, (filled with equipment, we learn fast!) and perused the poster for the gig. The headline act was listed as something called “Dylan For The Deaf”.
IF: “What the f##k is Dylan for the Deaf then?”
DH: “Dunno mate, I’ll go find out”
A little later, inside the venue:
DH: “Hello mate, are you with Dylan for the Deaf?”
DFTD: “Yes, Giles Strathmore, pleased to meet you boys.”
DH: “What’s your act all about then, it sounds interesting?”
DFTD: “Well, we aim to bring the works of Bob Dylan to a section of the populace who have, until now, been unable to appreciate a ‘live’ (index fingers again, Oh God) Dylan performance.”
DH: “How does that work then?”
DFTD: “Well, the lyrics are presented in the form of sign language, while the instrumental arrangements are interpreted through the mediums of dance and mime.”
DH: “Mmm. So who comes to the show?”
DFTD: “Well, we’re very popular among the deaf community.”
DH: “So let me get this straight. Most, if not all of your audience is, in point of fact, as it were, one could say, deaf?”
DFTD: “Well, you could say that, yes.”
DH: (Aside to TDHB members) “I think a band meeting is in order.”
After a brief band meeting, we made our apologies and left.